Cleric’s Log, Astrological Date 12-02.12
After a long night of anxiously awaiting the Mad Wizard’s next assault, we roused ourselves to continue our foray into the bowels of insanity. And what bowels they were!
Following the twisted corridors led us to a junction. We proceeded through the North door, reasoning that it’s white tile portended the least harm. Opening the creaking door, we were greeted with the sight of a large, nearlt empty room. The only furnishing was a large, comfortable-looking armchair in the center of the room. Seated on this poofy throne was a crazed figure that could only have been Ignax himself. Wearing the garb of a professor of magic, and with fierce tufts of white hair shooting out of his head at all directions, he could have been described as a cross between Mark Twain and Willy Wonka, if those names actually meant anything. At any rate, the mad professor vented a nonsensical tirade in our direction, blathering on about all manner of crazy subjects. When he seemed to ignore our responses, my comrades and I came to the conclusion that this must not be the man himself, but rather a clever illusion designed to unnerve us. The illusive man finally suggested we leave, so that he could beat Candelabra. Apparently, the two sorcerers have some kind of wager over our success at rescuing the King.
Having had our fill of unnerving nonsense, we turned back South and headed through a red door in that direction. Stefan and Kalli entered first, as was their habit. As was evidently becoming their habit as well, they prompty vanished! Blake the bard, once again quick to react, this time handed me a rope and dove after them, no doubt anticipating another watery pit trap. However this time, when Blake too vanished, the rope went slack! Examination showed it to have been neatly severed. Mabus, Raynard, Hrolf and I stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. Eventually, Hrolf built up the courage to begin inching forward, hoping to sense the nature of this new doom before it could claim him. Seeing him still whole, Mabus suddenly leapt forward, recklessly sprinting into probable oblivion. I muttered a quick prayer for his foolhardy soul. As Hrolf continued to inch forward, he too suddenly vanished, and that’s when Reynard summoned to courage to move forward. Fearing the loss of all my companions, I siezed Reynard’s cloak and held it fast, moving along behind him, and frantically glancing around as we approached the vanishing point.
Well it turns out it wasn’t so bad. We were simply walking down a hall with some kind of extra-dimensional folds scattered about, and Reynard and I shortly caught up will all of our comrades except Mabus, who everyone had seen sprinting past them. We paused to collect our wits, and called out “Mabus!” but only heard echoes. Eventually, Mabus came walking back, cheerful as you please, and carrying a variety of scrolls and potions he had found at the end of the hall! Apparently it was a dead end, and so we all turned about and exited the bizarrely fractured corridor.
Finally we had no choice but to enter the green door back at the junction. I prayed for Ronan’s blessings as we walked in, and it was a good thing too! Inside this last chamber, a gorgous woman sat in an ornate throne, flanked by two magnificent golden bull statues. Naturally, our bard stridently approached her in an attempt to parley her, one would assume, out of her clothes. Instead of falling for his rock-star charms, she seemed to grow angry, stood up, and hurled a ball of fire down the length of this narrow room! The bard deftly ducked under this missile, and it struck Mabus who was standing behind him. It detonated with a resounding boom, and many of my poor comrades screamed as the flames charred their skin. Ronan be praised, I avoided the worst of the blast, and came away merely singed, but alas Mabus took the full force of the concussive blast and the flame, and collapsed in a stinking heap of charred flesh.
With this, the statues came alive! They were no mere golden bulls, but fierce Gorgons, and they began to advance down the narrow room, breathing out noxious plumes of smoke. Hrolf wasn’t thinking, and inhaled these fumes too deeply – he was instantly paralyzed! Brave Kalli broke into a run past the frozen dwarf, unsheathed her sword… and unbelievably dove to the floor, sliding underneath one of the foul Gorgons! As she slid, she sliced upwards into the beast’s metallic underbelly, scoring it heavily. Meanwhile, the other Gorgon advanced, and Stefan courageously strode forward to meet it, while Blake summoned forth a legion of giant leeches! Why leeches? This humble priest knows not the workings of the bard’s mind.
I decided to see if Mabus’ soul needed help crossing over, but I could tell that his spirit had not quite left his blackened body. I beat down the flames that still consumed his flesh, and called upon the divine grace of Ronan to bring him back to life. While his burns were too severe for him to just come awake, I could tell that his spirit was stabilized and Ronan would not let it depart from his mortal coil this day.
As this miracle transpired, Stefan and the leeches (could be a good band name?) set to hacking and sucking the second Gorgon. The first Gorgon must have only been infuriated by Kalli’s suprise slide-attack, for it suddenly charged forward, viciously goring the distracted bard! Kalli sprang to her feet behind the departing beast, and turned to face the malevolent sorceress. I could see her pause, as the sorceress stared deep into her eyes. It seemed as though she was being hypnotized, and indeed her sword arm fell and she began to calmly approach the throne. Just as the sorceress’ face broke into a wicked, sneering grin, Kalli suddenly shouted “Try to hypnotize me again, you cunt!” and shoved the length of her blade through the sorceress’ throat! She died gargling her own blood, with such a shocked look on her face that even Ignax must have chuckled, if the insane old bastard had been watching.
Blake excruciatingly pushed his body off of the Gorgon’s horns and flopped the ground before spraying a salvo of magic missiles directly into its face. Stefan furiously hacked and chopped at the first Gorgon until it stopped moving. Suddenly both wounded Gorgons began glowing more and more brightly, and shuddering more and more violently, until they both exploded, splattering us all with bits of leech slime.
The battle was over. I channeled more of Ronan’s divine power into healing Mabus’ burns, and he finally awoke while Reynard and the others searched the room. They found a large emerald on the sorceress’ body, and four scroll tunes under the throne. One scroll fortuitously contained a remove paralyis spell and so we saved Hrolf. We also recovered 20 silver candelabras, a golden chandelier, and several fine tapestries.
After taking a few moments to gather our composure, we ventured forth into the next room, and down a hallway with more colored floor tiles. We continued through a red door where I am told there were two large white frost-wolves. But Kalli, Stefan, and Hrolf, and Blake attacked them immediately, and by the time I entered the room they were slain, and all that was left were some “special-bus” bullywogs that Blake had summoned, doing a jolly dance. I joined in, and attempted to share the good news of Ronan with them while Hrolf and Mabus skinned the wolves.
Finally we continued on into one more room, and this room was truly a blessing from Ronan. It contained nothing but a large pool of enchanted water that seemed to heal and rejuvenate everyone, even smoothing over old scars. We splashed and played like mermaids and decided to rest here a while…